Dear A. Pontious . . . Hello A Ponitus,

I notice that you have not posted in a year I would like to purchase tablesforone.com can offer $7.

Signed,
Tables for One.com

 

Dear Tables,

An inquiry like this doesn't really require a reply on its own merit, especially since you will note my name is A. Pontious. A Ponitus sounds like latin for ponies in the past tense: Nunquam pontius.

But I have chosen to use your half-formed correspondance as a writing prompt to address what's happened since October.


PART 1: EXIT, WOODWINDS


In November, the store below my apartment closed. For fifty years, woodwind musicians had relied on Reed City, a 24-hour operation, in the event that they ran out of reeds for a gig. It stocked reeds for bassoons, clarinets, English horns, French horns, melodicas, oboes, pump organs, and zhaleikas. Probably diplicas and sipis too.

I relied on it in order to get to my apartment, which was one floor above. It had surely been a more quiet store over the last fifteen years than it had been when I first moved there. But Reed City gusted on, until this November, when I was politely informed that I would need a new place to live, because either Cadaver Jean Co. or Pursue Banking ATM was moving in.

I have happily relocated to a newer, more mysterious location, where there are plenty of restaurants, butcher shops, public parks, and more coffee than I really know what to do with. But it took a very long time to get here, and at one point I was subletting in a basement that was practically in the path of the G Train. Good times!


PART 2: CLOSURES AND ENCLOSURES

Reed City wasn't the only business that closed last year. Many restaurants that were reviewed here have shut and their owners have moved elsewhere. Utnsl, Power+Up, Garden Out Back, and many many more. I haven't seen this many closings ever, and it made me wonder, do I really want to be in New York?

PART 3: OF COURSE I DO

Change is inevitable. I will miss the Pearl Rivers, Caffe Dante, the old Rizzoli location. But the story of this city is that things are always changing and that is why there is a Tables for One to begin with. There are new stories, told with food, being created each day.


PART 4: REFUSAL

There is no way that I would even consider relinquishing tablesforone.com, but especially not for you and your product, which at best, belongs in the saddest depths of Etsy.

The "table for one" that you have the temerity to trumpet to busy people about is a plywood square with a hole in the middle, for a person to sit in. Perhaps you could add suspenders to make it a traveling table for one?

Presumably, this is a more cost-effective table for the person who dines alone, but I would argue that is more costly in terms of just how soul-crushing it is to contemplate.

I will say no more: my consultant fees as a food critic are well beyond your budget. Good luck!!!


I remain apontious@tablesforone.com.


 

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